Misc. Lyrics (2025/05/30)
What’s the deal, man? You’re sharing meal plans These guys Have eaten me alive
What’s your deal, man? Do your dumb plans Then you’ll see You’ve always been deprived
You hate my guts Use me for stuff Call it a day Say you’re too smart to play
Spill your guts Life is tough Spread out the blame You’ve never made anyone stay
What’s the deal, man? Fuck your meal plans
Monetization (2025/05/27)
I’m trying to fight instant dopamine. One way to fight it is with writing, so here is one way I’ve strung together some opinions in my head.
I’ve always made stuff. I got it from my older sister who liked to draw. I started drawing too, and then it turned into sculpting, writing, poetry, origami, music, graphic design painting, video creating, animation, photography, crocheting, sewing, yada, yada, yada. Just anything I could get my hyperactive and grubby hands on. I loved teaching myself new things. Part of it the process. The other part (that I don’t like admitting) is the attention.
It’s a simple equation. Make something good, get good feedback from the people that see it. Results in a huge boost in ego.
With the compliments usually came another comment: “you can make money off of this.” Or anything similar.
Can I really?
Theoretically, certainly.
In actuality? No.
I’m not a business. I’m just a person who likes to make things (I guess other than money, haha.)
I personally don’t know how to describe it.
Creating (with no monetary gain) feels human. It feels like the thing to do when you want to shake off all the excess feeling you have going on in your brain. You can show it to others if you want to (I like to, hence the ego boost), but you can also keep it to yourself (which paradoxically, I usually want to do because of anxiety.) Whether it’s public or not the reason it is made is still there: for one to express themself with.
Add a price tag to my stuff, it feels less for myself and instead, forms into this transactionary and vapid process and or object I want no part of and feel no part of. The anxiety of making a living steps in, which definitely broadens the gap between your passion and the art you were once making. I think that’s why many musicians and directors sell-out. The gap got too wide for them, but at the end of the day, money is realistically going to be more important than doing something you love doing. (So, I guess to gain the system you’re going to have to be passionate with making money, the process of making money. You can give yourself a big pat on the back for winning the game, killing a natural part of yourself in favour of serving people and overall a system that does not care for all the people below you. Someone you once were. But with “hard work” you can now say you made it and scoff at those who “aren’t working as hard.”)
Which sucks. I don’t want to think this way. If I could effectively monetize this hobby without these noisy thoughts seeping in, I would. Aren’t there books, movies, art pieces that have made millions for the similar talking points I’m making?
I guess so. Also I’m sure “the art grind” is the most saturated it has ever been.
Which makes sense. It’s broken my brain to learn that every single post, video, text post, story etc. you’ve ever made to a social media page has just been free labour for the technocorps that run it? They are absolutely THRIVING knowing that your local band, your sister who paints, your teacher who’s a children’s book author, your brother that bakes, hell, your younger cousin making action skits with his stuffies are ALL competing for an audiences attention right on their platform.
Every single independent artist promoting their stuff on an app is NEVER EVER going to make as much as whatever business is hosting them. And additionally, their posts act as free work for them to keep others using the app.
Anyways, own ya own stuff as much as you can. Get your head out of the monetization hole and just do stuff because you want to. There’s a bunch of people that come to mind whenever I rehash this ramble in my mind. I wish I could beam it directly into their brains.
Feeling like FOID up in this May Weather (2025/05/13)
Archives of May… I wonder what’s coming this thursday???
‣ MAY 11 | 11:27PM
4 DAYS
Maybeyou'll
Crossmymind
Justonceortwice
ButI
Don'treallycare
Mybonesarebare
Soasyourstare
I'llberighthere
Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now! Right here! Right now!
‣ MAY 05 | 11:27PM
10 DAYS
girls on film!
‣ MAY 02 | 11:43PM
13 DAYS
A joke drawing I did while actually trying to conceptualize VANNE.
Last two posts of April! (2025/05/02)
My final posts! My Neocities will reset now, May is an important month!!! Just so you know!!!
April 29th, 2025.
✦Music✦
Shoegaze band from Ottawa. I like the vocals a lot.
✦VCR✦
Job :(
April 23rd, 2025.
✦Music✦
Tucana are the new boys on the O-block. First thing I've heard from them was Starter Pack (haha funnily enough) and... I thought they weren't too great. I liked their guitars a lot but the singer really needed to find his own singing style or else you're just the guy from PUP!
Spirit Bomb is fine. And I see a slight degree of personality forming. I like it more and the ending kicks some ass. But hey, as spring FINALLY settles in and the sunset is stretched out, I don't mind the twinkly pop-punk as I look at the pink skies.
✦VCR✦
Oh god, I finished my cigarettes. I walked around my neighbourhood and smoked the final two. Wish I shared them, because smoking on your own is pretty miserable!
Okara (2025/04/16)
[Crossposting from my Neocities]
Okara was a hardcore band that formed 1995, right in this city! Really really good, I’m looping Red Tide as I type this. The following track, Aguirre is a noisy treat. All recorded in their basement. I wish I could dig up information but I really don’t want to give my soul to the Meta overlords… September of ‘95, they played at Carelton, with another Ottawa band Shotmaker and these nobodies called Fugazi.
According to a comment on this video their bassist, Matt, has passed away. I don’t recommend bothering anyone, but do listen to this sick piece of history!
Dissect the Frog [DEMO!] (2025/04/16)
Something better than the draft I had here.
miss star eyed! (2025/04/08)
Oh yeah baby I’m on fire, a grungy demo for the soundcloud!!!
Procrastination strikes again (2025/04/06)
Check out this silly thing i did, k thanks :) <3
;( (2025/04/05)
[Crossposting from my neocities]
✦Music✦
winky frown makes quick, chaotic breezes of music. From ;( third edition, I like the 36 second song ‘capitalism’ and the educational, introspective, outro that is ‘43 muscles’. I’m not sure I’ve heard the term eggpunk before but it is (I’m saying this with only love and appreciation) stupid. I love you, winky frown.
✦VCR✦ I ’ve been thinking about my own feelings. What events from my past have caused me to think the way that I do now? With music, I enjoy songs that take me back to a very short and specific time. 12 years old, beginning of 7th grade. Did I have it all figured out in middle school? No. But it sure felt like I did. I’m terrified to type the following out, but I doubt he’d see this. I still miss my best friend from then. Which, realistically speaking, is not who I actually miss. It’s the what that I yearn for. I miss the joy that came with us opening movie maker, hitting record, strumming my stupid ukulele and having my friend make lyrics on the spot. We’d go at this for hours until I had to leave. I’ve lived with this stupid hole in my heart that I’ve been wanting to fill, with little success. I’m not sure what to fill it with, so it might be the type of pain one covers and forgets about.
March passed me by! (2025/04/01)
[Crossposting from my Neocities]
We’ve reached the last month of the first quarter, which is insane to me. It felt like March passed me right by…but I’m glad it did, I want to get to spring already. I hate the cold weather!
✦Music✦ My friend, Hini, dropped his song, stiletto. It’s great as always :) give him a listen on spotify or soundcloud.
I was planning to see Neurotypes last night, but I missed out so I really hope they play again soon. Bringing on the Shame has been stuck in my head ever since I first listened. I found them a while back because a family member made shirts for them. It’s so cool checking in and seeing how their style has changed, it’s sick! They’re making great stuff.
✦V✦C✦R✦ This month, I’ve formed a 4-piece with some cool people I’ve met over the past months. We’re fleshing out our style at the moment, and our next step is to find our “gimmick.” I really wish we could jam more often, but once a week will have to do. Equipment hunting hasn’t been my favourite due to the cost, but I think the spiritual payout it’ll give me will be worth it. I’ve been hungry for this for years. I can’t wait to see what we do :)
I’ve had a really bad winter to be honest, but I’m aiming to make my spring better. Even if it is 0.05% better, it’ll be better and thats what matters!
did you know piano’s my favourite instrument? (2025/03/09)
I love the piano. I use some here! :) I like it a lot.
Classix (2025/02/28)
Holy shit, new Steakfry? It’s not what I expected haha… whoever’s taking the reigns is doing an odd job… unless he produced this fully on his own before he passed but it doesn’t fully sound like anything he’s made before?
vanne is sad and bored (2025/02/23)
I can’t help it.
I…